Well, WordPress notifications tell me that I haven’t posted in the last 22 days. So here is an update. I have continued to eat whatever I want whenever I want and I am paying the price. I have gained about 8 pounds I think. And I can feel the affects of it. My back and knees hurt. Of course, the thing with the knees could be because of the bus driving.
I really do need to try to get back on track. I have let my schedule at work dictate how I eat. My excuse is that I don’t have the energy to prepare my meals, or plan my meals as I should. Enough with the excuses though. I need to get my crap together. I don’t even want to know what this is doing to my inner workings.
My battle feels like an uphill endeavor. My energy is sapped by my physical pain, which is increased the more I eat the wrong things. Inflammation, low energy, and just not feeling quite right is the worst.
In the beginning, the busy work schedule seemed to be helping me. But then I let my sweet tooth take over. A little ice cream here and there became ice cream for lunch. The more sweets I ate the more fried foods I wanted, and the more fried food I had.
So now, I am at that place where I have to fight to get started again. I have to fight to make myself eat the right stuff and get rid of things I don’t need. I am truly living yo-yo diet life style. I like how eating the right stuff makes me feel, but I also love the immediate feeling the wrong foods give me.
I will keep updating and reporting the good and the bad. I really wish my first eating habit had been a better one. Maybe all of this would be easier.
What can I do about it? The best I can. That’s all I know to do. I’m tired.
Well, its seems that having a job and keeping a schedule is a big help toward eating better. Most times in the past when I was pressed for time because of work or whatever, fast food was my choice; McDonalds, Burger King, or Wendy’s. I’m not saying these are totally out of the picture. I AM human.
Lately, about the last month I have chosen to eat salads with some sort of grilled meat; chicken or steak. There are actually a lot of choices. And no, I don’t get salads from the three placed mentioned above. If I go to those place I’m eating a burger and french fries.
Walmart is a place that has a great variety of different salads. They are made fresh daily, though I don’t think they make them in house. They are quite tasty though. I usually buy 3 or 4 at a time. And like before I don’t get really hungry because of the low glycemic load.
The salads are pretty big, probably 4 cups of green leafy stuff. The dressings are pretty nice as well. Each salad comes with a specific dressing. Some of my favorite salads are the Southwestern with steak, Grilled chicken with apples, dried cranberry, blue cheese, and walnuts is another good one. I don’t remember what that one is called. Of course they have the Chef Salad, not on of my favorites. It will do in a pinch though. And there are many more to choose from.
I’m not saying I’m back on course, but it is a start in the right direction. I seem to do better when I don’t try so hard. So I just try to make one smart decision at a time where eating is concerned.
Yea, still not worried about any diet. I’m at Waffle House having breakfast. Waffle House is one of my favorite places to eat. I can see them prepare my meal, which makes me more willing to eat the food.
At this point, I have mostly given up on the diet thing, but still watching out for my health. I know I can’t eat like this every day. And for the most part, I eat at home and things are pretty plain jane.
The All-American is a big breakfast. It comes with your choice of bacon, sausage, or ham, eggs to order, grits or hash browns, toast and a big ole waffle!
The coffee is always good, and the price is right. I’m only here because I missed breakfast this morning. I could have gone home but I didn’t want to. I’m enjoying myself.😊
I have made no progress in this venture. I think the problem is that I don’t seem to care anymore. And I don’t care about not caring either.
I have been really busy with this new job (school bus driver). I’m pretty sure that I like the job enough to keep it for a while. It wears me out though because I have to be up before the kids who ride the bus. So I’m up around 4 a.m.
I don’t know what bearing this has on me eating right. It would be just another excuse I suppose.
This morning I am emerging from a week with the worst cold I have ever experienced. And as luck would have it, it was Spring Break for the schools I serve. I wanted to enjoy the break just like the kids. Instead, I lay on the couch or in bed struggling to stay alive. At least, that’s what it felt like.
It began with a cough on Friday evening. Saturday, I was down for the count. I was in pain all over, sneezing, chilled to the bone and wishing I could be someone else until this thing was over.
And for the cherry on top of it all, yesterday I discovered I somehow got Thrush, a fungal infection which babies usually get. At least that’s what I hope it is. I’m not accepting anything else! It is very painful. It’s no wonder that babies scream when they have it.
So, tomorrow is the end of my break. I didn’t have any fun. I’m back to work Monday morning. I’m not even gonna pretend that I intend to try to get back on track with diet or exercise because I just don’t care at the moment. Just glad I didn’t die this week.
I began this blog as a way to try and keep myself honest about what I am doing. A way to keep up with what I’m putting into my body. A way to encourage my self to keep going and maybe encourage others. Yet, I have found lately ( last year and 2 months) that I have not been able to stay on course and be honest about it.
Cheating has been my real issue. As I have stated in other posts, I have real addiction issues with certain types of foods; high carb and sugary in nature. I can’t seem to stop myself. I started out strong this year. Well, the first couple of weeks anyway. Then my desire for the sugary goodness(?) badness(?) kicked in. I can’t seem to resist.
I thought I had a good strategy by not having the stuff I don’t want to eat in the house. That isn’t good enough though. I have found myself jumping in the car late at night headed to the 24-hour Walmart to get what I needed. I think that if there was a guy on the corner selling Hostess Snack Cakes, and was able to do credit card transactions he would have had my business.
So, in retrospect, I have not done well at all the last 18 months or so. I can actually feel my health declining. I have gained all but 10 pounds of the weight I lost 2 years ago. My skeletal issues (degenerative disc disease) have gotten worse. This morning and the last couple of days, maybe a week or so, I have barely been able to stand or walk because of pain.
This is not the vanity of wanting to look good for the ladies. I’m in my 50’s. In fact, I will be 55 on March 1. Only 5 days away. It is a matter of life and death for me. If I get any heavier with my condition I could end up in a wheelchair or be using one of those metal walkers with the wheels and tennis balls. I do have one here in the house. I had to have it after I had back surgery in 2010.
Even as I sit here typing I am in some serious pain. I have lacked the discipline needed to stay on track. I need to lose weight. I have mild heart disease and have suffered from high cholesterol for years. I take a shit load of medications in the morning and evening.
I have been a failure this year so far, and last year for sure. I am really struggling. I need to do better. My plan is to write more honestly about what I am going through. I typically have been writing only when I thought I was doing okay and lying a little the rest of the time. Probably because when I’m failing miserably I really don’t want anyone to know.
Maybe I was vain in the beginning. I was hoping this would be one of those blogs that showed how I went from fat to fit in so many months or years. But there are enough of those sites on the web already. And for people like me, they are not so encouraging. They only make me feel more like a failure.
So from now on, you get the whole story. I will do my best to write honestly about what I’m going through, my struggles, my failures, and of course my successes. I don’t want anyone feeling like a failure as a result of my writing bullshit.
As always I am determined to succeed. I need to lose weight. Not because I want to look good, though that is a part of it. But it is more because as I get older I find that it is easier to catch a cold, I have more pain just because, and I need to be strong. I promised my daughter I would live until I was 120 years old. 🙂
That is all for now. I have to get to work. Still training to be a school bus driver.
I didn’t mean to fry that chicken. It was an accident. My alter ego was heating oil, and I stumbled into the stove and lost my grip on the chicken and it fell into the oil. I would never do this on purpose. I’m on a diet.😂
Well, I couldn’t waste it, so, I had it for dinner. I had one helping. It was only a Cornish Game Hen so the pieces were very small. REally! It was tasty though. There is only so much baked anything you can eat without craving its fried relative.
I’m not sure about those heirloom green beans on the plate though. They were kind of sweet. I’m not used to that. I expected the normal flavor of green beans and got a surprise. Don’t mess with green beans. It’s wrong.
See? Right back at it. Well, except for the cinnamon roll I had this morning. And the one I had didn’t come close to the one pictured to the right. It was one of those cheap store-bought ones. I was late for work (excuse). Missed breakfast, rushing to work (actually training as a school bus driver). Got really hungry during the few hours I was driving. As soon as I got home I busted out my smoker and put on a Cornish Hen.
Took me about 20 minutes to get the grill going. In the meantime, I seasoned my little bird with salt, black pepper, garlic powder, chili powder, and cumin. All of these ingredients would be in my rub if I’d made one. I cooked the bird for about an hour and a half. Once it got close I steamed my Asparagus, then, added some salt, pepper, and a little butter.
The meal was quite tasty if I do say so myself. My stomach is now full, and back to its usual calm. It was not feeling so hot after the ice cream last night and the cinnamon roll this morning.
I like my diet. I like the foods I’m able to eat. But addiction, and that’s the only way I can explain it, is a very hard thing beat. I’m addicted to high-carb sugary foods. But one day this will not be the case. I have beaten other addictions.
I am sitting here, so disappointed in myself. I was too lazy to get up an cook dinner for myself. So for dinner, I had ice cream. How sad is that? And now that burning sensation that I was missing because I was eating the right stuff, its back.
I am extremely irritated. But I’ll continue the fight tomorrow. That’s all I wanted to say.
Today I have realized that I have been without any form of antacid for over 3 weeks. In 1993 the doctor diagnosed me as having GERD or a Hiatal hernia. I don’t think the doctors actually knew which one. They were Navy Docs.
A Hiatal Hernia – A condition in which part of the stomach pushes up through the diaphragm muscle.
I don’t think this is actually what it was!
Gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GERD, is a digestive disorder that affects the lower esophageal sphincter (LES), the ring of muscle between the esophagus and stomach. The weak esophageal ring allows acid to enter the esophagus.
This sounds more like what I was experiencing
Since that time in 1993, I have taken every antacid ever produced in the pharmaceutical industry. That’s what it feels like anyway. 24 Years! TWENTY-FOUR YEARS!!!! I don’t even think the stuff is good for you. Earlier years on some of those drug labels I remember reading that it was a temporary treatment, but, I took them for 24 years.
I wrote a post earlier in my progress about how my stomach situation seemed to improve on the Ketogenic diet. But when I began to veer off my diet the symptoms returned.
Today I suddenly realize how long I have gone without my Nexium. I have meant to buy it but never got around to it. I haven’t even mastered being back on my diet yet. I have been fairly consistent, but I’m not all the way there yet. I don’t think it is only the diet that counts. It has to have something to do with how much I eat. When I know I’m eating something that could give me heartburn symptoms I certainly don’t eat a lot of it.
With GERD, I realize that how much food I consume at one setting is very important in keeping digestive acids in my stomach where they belong and not my esophagus. A few times in the last 3 weeks I have had to drink about a half cup of water with about a teaspoon of baking soda mixed in. This neutralizes the acid and gives heartburn relief. Other than those few times everything has been pretty good.
I would like never to have to take antacids again. To do this, staying on the right foods plays a key role, and gives me another incentive to keep at it.
When I first began this “makeover” thing I was always worried about whether I was failing or succeeding, or reaching my goals, or gaining or losing weight. It could be maddening.
Now it’s two years later. I still haven’t reached my ultimate goal or lost my desired mouth of weight or whatever. But what I do realize now is that I am constantly doing one or the other. I am either constantly failing or constantly succeeding. Sometimes one is happening more than the other, but at least I’m moving one way or the other.
My eating habit was developed over many years. 99% of that time I was eating whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted. Youth will afford you that if you are doing just a modest amount of exercise. I was in the marching band in high school, plus P.E. class, and it was enough to keep me from gaining weight.
By the time I got to my mid-30’s though it was taking more than a little exercise to stay in shape. Fortunately I was in the military and was getting plenty. And I still had not given a single thought to the types and amount of food I was consuming. Surprisingly, I didn’t really get fat until I was around 40. But when it happened, boy, was I in trouble.
The Navy believes in training when it comes anything that has to do with their sailors. So, more than once, I received training about my dietary needs. It didn’t help though. I had already developed some very bad eating habits, which have proven to be extremely hard to change.
I still have not given up though. I know what I should be eating, and how much. But I realize that I can’t just switch my way of eating after doing it one way for so long. This will be a fight for probably a very long time. One day it may not be a fight to consume the foods I need for my body. But for now, I fight.
Doesn’t matter if I fail because success is always around the next corner. Doesn’t matter if I’m successful because failure may come in the next moment. What does matter is that I keep going. I can’t change my ways in an instant. It didn’t take me an instant to create my bad eating habits. So, even though the clock keeps counting down, I keep going because I’m constantly failing and I’m constantly succeeding.