Lately

I have not been feeling well. I like the way the weather feels this time of the year, but, I don’t like the effect it has on my sinuses and bronchial functions. I have been dealing with an overabundance of mucus in my nasal passages and throat, and, it grosses me out. And now I’m coughing and hacking.

I also have not been myself. I’m not generally in a good mood. 😦 My spirits are not up. Melancholy is the word I think that has been used to describe me by some. I tend to agree with the assessment. I wish I could break out of it because I hate it. I don’t think it’s normal.

I have no desire or drive to do anything. I mope about things I never accomplished. I mope because I have no desire to keep trying. I mope because I mope. What a freaking mess I am.

I am still driving to make money. It’s easy, but, sometimes I just don’t want to do it. I need to do it – at least until I pay off some debt. But, at the same time, the taxes I will owe at the end of the year are mounting. That’s a whole other thing I don’t want to talk about right now.

What makes me the most miserable is my failure to become a working musician after Navy life. I was a musician in the Navy. Should have been a no brainer. However, I have almost no desire for music – listening, playing, or other. Music used to be a driving force in my life, but no more.