Failure, Thanksgiving, & moving on

In all honesty, I have really been screwing up this fasting lifestyle lately. Over the weekend I have been overeating and not fasting at all. I don’t know what happened. Perhaps, my bad mood and slight depression are affecting things.

It is 30 minutes thereabouts until the new day. I will resume fasting tomorrow. Well, in actuality, I have already resumed fasting since I am not eating right now. It has been maybe two hours. I probably will not eat anything until at least 6 PM tomorrow evening. By then my appetite will be in check. I like timing my meals to the late evening (six is late for me). That way bedtime is not far off and I can save myself some calories.

I have talked a little bit about my mood and feelings and how I am struggling, emotionally I guess. I’m not sure how to dig myself out. I hate the holidays. Thanksgiving is a day that tries to force us to be thankful for whatever good things are happening in our lives. Sometimes it is hard when there are so many other things going on in your life, at least your emotional life that jam you up.

I usually keep to myself or at least wish I could keep to myself, in order to keep my emotional stink from rubbing off on other people or bringing them down. Thanksgiving is usually the worst holiday for me. I don’t know why. I remember the holiday from when I was a kid. It was always a good time back then. Mostly because family and friends came by and we all hung out together throughout the day and into the night. The holiday is not like that for me today. I might see friends and family for a meal and then everybody disappears into their black Friday shopping. I hate it!

I may choose to go somewhere else for Thanksgiving this year just to be alone. I won’t know until maybe hours before. I don’t want to ruin it for anybody else but it’s not that much fun for me.

However, I do hope that the holiday is still special for others in this country. I hope that people everywhere are at least thankful for one thing in their lives. I AM thankful for my family and friends. I just wish the holiday today could match the excitement I used to have as a kid. It just does not feel special to me anymore.

I hope it is a special holiday for you this year. I hope it is magical for you in some way. However, I do know that some people will feel that they have nothing to be thankful for. I sympathize with you though I may not necessarily be able to empathize. I only hope that you find some good in your life on this day. Because there is good even though you maybe can’t see it now. I know that there is good in this holiday for me even, and maybe even a reason to celebrate. Maybe both of us will find it. I hope you do.

Anyway, back to fasting my way back to health. My A-1 C was at 6.0% last checked. I expect the numbers to continue to improve as I keep doing what I’m doing. I also would like to mention that I almost missed the fact that I have not been in near as much pain in the past week as I have in the past year. I don’t know if this is a permanent thing yet but I hope it continues to improve.

I have a new gym membership and I have been going at least three days a week. I am lifting lightweights and walking on the treadmill and using the elliptical machine. And I actually feel a little bit better physically. I hope I will be able to continue this habit without any pain, well, unnatural pain that is. It’s what usually stops me from going to the gym.

Well, that’s about all I have for now. I hope you enjoy the holiday. Happy Thanksgiving.