So, about the time I was to go to work this morning, my extreme back pain was gone (almost completely). It still hurt a little, but nothing like what I was going through over the weekend. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I did not believe I was going to be free of what I was going through, ever.

Monday, everything was close to normal (for me). I have these episodes every now and then. It always feels like something new has gone wrong in my body, and it is always scary because it feels like it is not ever going to end. Several times this weekend, I believed it would be better to be dead.

The pain did end though. I was pressed hard. I really did come close to WANTING to end it all. I didn’t come close to actually ending things. No amount of pain meds I took helped me at all. I haven’t been under that much pressure since my back surgery in 2010. I found the recovery from that extremely difficult and painful.

I don’t know how many more of these episodes I will have to go through in this life. Hopefully it’s not that many. I certainly don’t look forward to another one. I think they could be less if I could mange to lose the weight I’d like to. So my struggle continues.

I don’t even care about the benefits of looking better anymore. At this point, I just want to lighten my load, literally.

Anyway, I will keep at it.🙂