I am a fat old man, and it seems there is nothing I can do about it. I still fast but not losing weight. I can’t seem to stop eating crap! I have no willpower.
I am close to just giving up. If it were not for the benefits of the fasting itself, I would have already given up. At this point, I feel like nothing in my life is going right. I fail at everything. I have no drive and no ambition.
I don’t even play my saxophone anymore.
I don’t know where I am. I am lost, and I don’t know what to do. It is not just the weight loss or lack thereof. My life has no direction. There are no goals. I just exist.
My life is monotonous. All I do is drive (Uber). It takes up most of my day. There is no time left in the day to do anything when I’m done. As soon as I pay off a few bills, I will probably stop driving. The more I do it, the more frustrated I get with it.
I feel sad most of the time; I am maybe depressed. It is likely. I often think about death; My own, other people’s, and ends I’d like to cause (kidding). I’m just not happy.