We are 13 days into the new year, and I am recovering from a very nasty couple of weeks of the flu. About a week into my sickness, I went to the doctor because the symptoms were getting pretty bad. I was coughing, sneezing, my ears were rumbling, and I couldn’t hear, and I was losing my voice. Of course, I could not even go into the building until I was tested and cleared for COVID. Thankfully, that test was negative.

My nasal cavity was completely inflamed. Surprisingly, my ears were not infected, yet the doctor still referred me to an ENT specialist. I was most concerned about my ears because they had become super sensitive to sound. So I am glad about the referral. However, now that I am nearly well, my ears feel normal, besides the usual ringing. I first started feeling better about three days ago. Well enough to practice my sax a little.

The sickness completely threw off my diet and fasting. I have gained about 8 pounds. At this point, I’m a little tired of worrying about my weight and health, and I am not motivated. Apart from my recent sickness, I am still in pain most of the day. I can’t sit or stand for very long, and it is getting to the point where I can not sleep. I genuinely fear growing old in this body.

Because of this, I have not been in a good place emotionally. Other factors contribute to my emotional state. However, I have already stopped watching the news, and I don’t get on social media very often anymore. It worries me to see how the news and social media affect this world.

It seems that people are very easily spun up and programmed to act irrationally. The government and the media seem to promote fear. Now people seem to be more aggressive toward one another, less patient. I guess the problems of this world weigh on me.

Personally, sometimes I feel like I’d rather not be here. Some who read this may think I’m suicidal, but I don’t think I am. I’m just tired of this world and how we are in it.

I don’t know what kind of year this will be, but I’m not looking forward to it, especially if we are in for more of the same. It seems like the United States I grew up in is gone and never coming back. And it doesn’t need to come back. We need to become better people. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen anytime soon.

I hope to get back on track with my eating habits in the next few days, but I don’t feel like I care. Hopefully, I can avoid emotional eating. It will be difficult as physical health begins with good mental and emotional health.😊