Nights With Alzheimer’s

My dad becomes very restless at night. He cannot get out of bed unassisted, but he is constantly trying to get up in the middle of the night to get dressed. The other day, he kept saying he needed to find a job.

He spent his whole life working. He always had a job and worked until he was at least 75. I don’t exactly know what goes on in the mind of an Alzheimer/dementia patient at night, but he becomes very agitated. It’s like he is traveling through time (the past). He forgets he can barely move, much less walk, yet he is driven to try to get up.

Dad always had an anxiety about being able to take care of family. When he could not work anymore, he could not fill his time with activity. Dad didn’t have hobbies. He tried attending a senior activity center but found it boring. Finally, he was content to sit in his room watching the news, going to doctor appointments, occasionally cutting the grass, and maybe having a few drinks on the weekend. Then, at one of his doctor appointments, he was told he was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s.

Bedridden

The symptoms became much more pronounced this year. In the last month, the disease seems to have entirely overtaken my dad’s life. He went from being able to walk, take a shower, feed himself, taking out the trash to being disabled.

Dad gets tired of being in bed. Yet, he cannot sit in a chair for very long. Most of the time, he would rather not try, choosing to stay in bed. However, we will get him up as much as he allows. He may sit for 45 minutes and then ask to return to bed. Moving from the chair to the bed wears him out, and he usually sleeps immediately after lying down.

He probably sleeps around 20 hours a day. In 24 hours, he may eat 200 calories and consume 2 cups of water. He is home on hospice care. There is a DNR in place. I suppose he/we are waiting for his death. He has asked the Lord on multiple occasions to take him. Oh, did I mention he is also legally blind? His near blindness is what has bothered him most in the last 8 years. I wouldn’t want to live in his condition either.

Orphaned

He is wasting away. I hate watching it happen. One day, his body’s systems will begin to shut down, and he will leave us. We will be orphans in the world. My mom already passed in 2013. At my age, being orphaned is not the same as if it had happened when I was a little kid. However, the thought of being in the world without a parent does make me somewhat uneasy. I feel like it places more weight on my shoulders.

I have two kids who are grownups. I plan to be here for them like my parents were for us. And right now, I am here for my dad. I’m sitting at his bedside. He calls out and screams randomly. I don’t know if it is pain or if he doesn’t want to be alone in the room. My sister was in the room with him last night, he kept throwing his covers off and trying to undress. However, with me, he is less active. I tend to be more stern with him. Also, he seems to respond positively to my telling him everything was okay, or just being reminded that I’m still here with him.

I feel bad because he seems so restless and helpless. I hope it will be a more sudden and quick activity when my time comes. I would hate to depend on others for my safety and well-being. Ironic. That’s the nature of the Christian walk, to rely on God for my safety and well-being.

Yesterday morning, he said, “I will be glad when this is all over.” For his sake, I will be glad also. It is hard to watch him suffer.