Feeling Lonely

In light of this being Mental Health Awareness Month, I would like to report on my own well being. I spend a lot of time alone. Sometimes I don’t receive a call or text message for days or weeks. I have no friends nearby I would call “best friends.” I don’t get invites, seemingly ever. As I sit here writing this, the feeling of loneliness is painful. At times I feel I’m on the verge of weeping.

I don’t make friends easily. I have been living in Charleston for nearly 12 years and have gained at most five friends; the ones I have made don’t seem to remember I exist most of the time. I have tried to be the one to initiate contact on many occasions. However, I am still waiting for the same effort in my direction.

I got picked on a lot when I was just a little kid and often felt isolated. So, this feeling of loneliness is not new, but I am getting tired of it. While I was in the military, there was a time when I seemingly had plenty of friends. Once my career ended, however, the isolation was almost instantaneous.

I got a job and started work. The people I worked with were okay, but I did not find the kind of friendships I had in the Navy. Some were not even the type of people I wanted to be friends with. Some of those I worked with disagreed with my work ethic, and I got the impression they thought I believed I was better than them. I only wanted to do a good job.

My new career (warehouse work) was short-lived. Within a year at the new job, I had to have surgery on my back. I have had one employer since then, the Berkeley County School District, as a bus driver. That lasted over a year until a disagreement with my employer forced me to quit. Subsequently, I drove for Uber for two years until my back pain was unbearable.

I’m pointing out that employment and self-employment offered some relief from loneliness. I didn’t make any lasting friendships, and I have tried to reach out to at least one person but have not been successful.

I do feel very lonely. I try to leave the house as often as possible, but sometimes my pain does not allow it. I like riding my motorcycle even though, at times, it is painful. It is the only enjoyment in life I have right now.

I might try volunteering somewhere. I am still determining where or when; it is the only way I think I can ease this pain. I am curious what others think about my situation.


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