In just under two years, I will be 60 years old. Right now, I have a hard time imagining that. As I sit here writing this post, I have 800 mg of ibuprofen and 1000 mg of Extra-Strength Tylenol in my system. It is barely taking the edge off of the pain in my body; I can’t even describe the pain and its location. It feels like it is everywhere.

My pain level is so high that I can’t imagine what it will be like in two years. I have never taken any meds stronger than otc stuff. However, I may be approaching a point where something more substantial may be necessary.

I understand the whole opioid crisis and the dangers. It is the reason I have never asked my doctors for anything more potent than otc meds. I don’t want to add drug addiction my many other issues.

Some might say to me, “you need to see a doctor.” At this point, I don’t think there is anything they can do besides suggesting more surgery. I have had two surgeries so far on my spinal column. Relief had been minimal, and that for only a short time. Then my pain was/is worse in new and different ways.

I am afraid. I know I should not dwell on the future. It doesn’t even exist yet. I can’t say for sure what it will bring. Based on what I feel (physically) right now, though, I am afraid. I feel alone in this.

I probably will see a doctor about my increasing pain. I feel confident, however, that I will not accept any surgical options. I don’t feel up to that level of body trauma. I’d almost rather risk the drug addiction thing. Right now, though, I will do the only thing available to me. Live in the present moment.