I am in Texas with my Dad again. He will be 86 on his birthday this year. He has glaucoma, a slight bit of dementia, and some weakness, which I attribute to old age.
I know there are people in their 80s who are not as weak. However, they didn’t live the life my father did. My Dad is uneducated, so he has had to take whatever job he could get to take care of his family. And he was more than willing to do precisely that.
For about 17 years, he worked as a bricklayer’s helper at U.S. Steal. It was very grueling work. The bricks and mortar were cumbersome and tossed around as if they weighed only a few pounds. The pre-made mortar came in 1-ish square-foot boxes and weighed 100 pounds. The bricks were odd shapes and weighed about 30 pounds each. Whatever material the bricks and mortar were made of made them very heavy.
I worked there with my Dad one summer after I turned 18. It was the summer of my junior year of high school. I needed the money for my upcoming prom. My parents didn’t have the money to rent a tux, buy prom tickets, or whatever else comes with such unimportant activities. So my Dad suggested I go and work with him for a summer. It was the most demanding physical work I have ever experienced.
My Dad worked inside the furnaces where the raw steel materials were melted and purified. After use, the furnace was opened and sprayed for hours with cold water to cool them to a temperature that humans could tolerate. Each team of men could be inside working only a few minutes at a time because of the extreme temperature. If you weren’t wearing the correct work boots, they would last only a day or so before offering no protection. They would melt and burn way very quickly. My Dad worked in literal hell! And he did it for 17 years!
The plant closed in the 1980s, and my Dad lost his job, but only his job. He worked in grocery stores, held janitorial positions in multiple places, and did numerous other jobs no one else was willing to do. We were never in danger of losing the house (as far as I remember). We didn’t lose the cars. We didn’t lose anything essential for our family. However, my Dad immediately gave up alcohol, which was his only vice. When he felt he didn’t have the money, he quit. I remember when I was much younger, my Dad used to smoke. When my mom suggested that it was expensive and he should quit, he smoked his last pack and never smoked again.
I mentioned Dad’s work and the type of work so that you would understand the physical weakness he experiences. He never complained of back problems in all the years I have known him. However, I can’t imagine that he was not experiencing pain. He is from a generation that didn’t complain about such things. Somehow, they just kept going.
Years later, he can barely stand. At least, that’s the way it looks to me. I often ask him if he is experiencing back pain. He always says no. But if he drops something on the floor, it will likely stay there if there is nothing to hold onto to help him get down and back up again. He moves very slowly. With what looks like weakness to me and glaucoma slowly taking his sight, he is not able to move like other 80-year-olds who had easier physical lives.
My oldest sister lives with Dad, so he won’t be alone. He can’t fully take care of himself. My mom passed away in 2013. So, my sister moved home and arranged for some much-needed repairs on the house (which she will inherit). She works nearby, so she can check on him throughout the day.
The reason I am here with him is that my sister needed a vacation from her very stressful job. She is in Africa for about ten days. Now, I have other siblings here in town who were willing to step in and watch out for Dad. As it is, they come by every day anyway. However, Dad felt like he was going to be all alone, so I told him I would come down and stay with him. It made him feel better.
I am perfectly willing to do whatever he needs. He is one of the best fathers I know. He didn’t have a lot to say as we were growing up. And when he did, he might yell a lot until my mom shut it down.😂 He instilled a stellar work ethic in all of us, including some of my cousins. He preached one message and preached it often. It goes like this, “If you don’t work, ain’t nobody gonna feed ya.” We got the message.
He loved his family. He loves his grandchildren, and he loves his great-grandchildren. He lived a good life. I hate to see what aging has done to him. I have often said aging is not for cowards.
I’m only 61, and if I’m not doing some exercise daily, pain tries to take over my life. I have had two spinal surgeries to relieve pain. I suppose it helped. However, I shudder to think about what my body might be giving to me in 10 years 20 years. I hope I have the courage that my father is demonstrating at this point.
I’ll be back home in a few days. I have not been to a gym or walked since I have been here. It has been 24/7 with Dad. He doesn’t like being here alone, so I don’t leave the house often. I don’t know how he does it when I’m not here. He already says he will miss having me here when I leave. I’ll be back, though. As long as my car will get up and go, I’m willing to make the drive.
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