Really – Deep Down – WHY?

Deep down, I don’t like the way I look! I was never that good-looking. However, for the longest, I could at least look decent in my clothes. Now I walk around, hoping no one looks too closely at me. I’m always wondering what people are thinking about me. Are they disgusted? Do they think I look funny? Am I ugly? All sorts of things run through my mind.

The health aspect of losing weight is secondary. I did not even start thinking about my health until I was in my 40’s. That’s because, in my twenties and thirties, all I needed to do to lose some weight was to go work out. I ate whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted. My first health issue was acid reflux. Over the years, over-eating wrecked my stomach and caused my issue. Also, I had become a glutton with no control.

Not thinking about what I was putting in my body, I began to gain weight. Working out was not getting the job done anymore. As I said, I was never that great-looking, and now, I am getting fat! AND I AM NOT TALL! There is nothing like a short fat man to get the ladies going.

I feel like I’ve lost something being fat. I don’t feel confident about my looks or my body when I’m out. So yea, I wish I could lose weight to look better. At least in my mind, I feel I would look better. It probably would not make a difference.

The health benefit of losing weight? Yes, worrying about my health is, well, worrisome. I am not exaggerating when I say, “I don’t know whether I want to live or not when I wake up in the mornings.” It is because of pain.

In 2010 I had surgery on my lower back, a lower lumbar fusion at two levels. It stopped one kind of pain and gave me a new form of pain. The new pain is the reason I can’t stand or sit for long periods. Then in 2016, I had the same type of surgery on my neck. I got the same result, new pain in place of the old one.

In the back of my mind, I always think weight loss could reduce the pain. However, I can never be sure. Doctors have said as much in the past, but I don’t think they know either. So I live with pain most of the day.

Overeating caused insulin resistance, which causes high blood sugar, which leads to type 2 diabetes, which leads to more insulin, more resistance, more weight gain, and it never stops. You have to eliminate one of the elements. Intermittent fasting can potentially reduce insulin levels, lower blood sugar, and possibly reduce A1C. Hopefully, some weight loss will happen. I can tell you from experience it does not happen quickly (the weight loss), even with the benefits I just listed above. I accomplished the lower insulin, blood sugar, and A1C in around 9 months.

In closing, I want to lose weight to look better. Secondly, I could stand to improve my health. I don’t believe weight-loss would help my pain, though. And for the record, I don’t care what people think about my appearance. It’s hard to explain. I don’t care, but somewhere in my subconscious, I care about my appearance.